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“Our men are better than the Germans.” Russian woman – about life with a foreign husband

January 28, 2022 by Posted in: Lyrics

Fitness trainer and blogger Aliona Hilt was born and raised in Petersburg. By the age of  she had a good job, and and in the hometown the girl became famous as a successful model. It seemed like a bright future ahead — a dizzying career and & nbsp; a successful marriage. However, a sudden flash of feeling for a German named Arminruined all plans. Aliona moved from the northern capital with its great opportunities to the small town of Dormagen, where the chosen one lived. This union lasted eleven years, but in the end, Hilt returned to her homeland. She already celebrated last New Year in St. Petersburg. What's it like — live with a person of a different culture? How are Russian men different from Germans? And why Aliona never couldn't love Germany, she told in an interview with AiF.ru.

This is fate

In the year I met my future husband, I worked as a translator in India. But since the visa ran out, I had to return to St. Petersburg. Only there it was possible to settle the issue with documents. I had two free weeks in hometown, and a one friend asked to replace her employee in the office. She had several businesses: a marriage agency, plus she rented large premises to foreigners. The work is not dusty, and and I agreed.

Literally on the second day, my future husband appeared on the doorstep. The boss agreed with a meeting but got in traffic and was two hours late. I had to entertain the visitor myself. We drank tea and had a nice talk, of course, in English, I didn then know German. When my friend finally got to the office, I said goodbye to the guest and left. In the evening, he unexpectedly called and offered to have dinner. It turns out that my boss gave him my phone number.

At that meeting, we chatted for several hours without stopping, I arrived home at night, and the next day Armin returned to Germany. Since then, he began to write to me, sometimes came to Russia, six months later he invited to to visit then we went on a joint vacation. Naturally, I refused to return to India.

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Photo: From personal archive

Groom with "surprise"

In                            Of course, now I understand that after this news, I just had to pack my suitcase and leave, but then I didn did this. The future husband very cleverly lulled my vigilance with the phrases: “We have not been living with wife for a long time”, “I don't love her”; and etc

I did not tell my parents about that I got my fiancé with a "surprise", and they were not delighted with my choice, only my friends knew the details.

I received a nanny visa through my acquaintances and went for time to                     of of       of        that       that fl&nb that&nb;ff&nb that» which» whom I whom I whom I whom I have, I went to of Dormagen. After St. Petersburg, settle in the outback, where you need to walk 8 kilometers — — real test. There is nothing to do there, so I cleaned and cooked all day. Of course, after a couple of months of such a life, I had to pose the question point-blank: either we change something in our relationship, or I leave. Nobody started to detain me: Armin quickly bought a ticket to St. Petersburg. It would    — period, but my foreign friend didn give up: a few weeks later he came to to my birthday and even asked for my parents' hand (although he was still married!) I melted.

Before the real wedding, of course, it came only after the official divorce. We signed in St. Petersburg, agreed with the head of the registry office to register the marriage as quickly as possible. Three days later the issue was settled. Only my relatives were present at the celebration, they simply could not get visas so quickly. Although, even if not this obstacle, I not sure that my future mother-in-law would have come at that moment. This woman — typical German: prim, cold and very narcissistic.

My parents paid for the wedding in full. My husband didn't give me a single penny. But with pleasure he took all the money donated to us. At the end of December 2010, I finally moved to Germany.

Big price

This move came at a great cost to me. I left in Russia my family, apartment, studies (transferred to a correspondence department), friends, and a prestigious job. I had to put an end to the cultural life: forget about theatres, museums, exhibitions. Of course, many people have a question: why did I go for this? The answer was on surface — because of love.

Meanwhile, Armin sincerely believed that he had done a good deed: he pulled me out of "the hole" under the name of St. Petersburg and brought it to the most beautiful industrial city of Dormagen, where everyone knows each other and the greatest entertainment — go to the grocery store for shopping.

By the way, many other foreigners who choose Russian women as their wives think the same as my husband. I say this with complete confidence, because I saw enough of “foreign princes” when I worked at my friend's marriage agency. They firmly believe that girls in Russia most of all dream of leaving the country, only to cook borscht for their beloved and babysit children in some godforsaken village in France or Switzerland. But this I now clearly understand, and many years ago it seemed that my husband is not at all like other foreigners.

Photo: From the personal archive

“Plowed during the day and” at night

When I moved, my husband did not help me to adapt, he did not even introduce me to his friends. I simply couldn't practice German with him, because he constantly made comments, laughed at my pronunciation in front of strangers. After a few inappropriate jokes about  my address, I basically stopped communicating with my husband in his native language and switched back to English. But, of course, I completed the language courses that were needed to get a residence permit. Despite many years spent in Germany, I and did not fall in love with German. Every time I hear it, it seems to me that someone creaks with chalk on the wall.

I never saw money from my husband for manicures or some small female joys , although almost immediately after the move she became pregnant and could not earn money herself. Before  the birth of my eldest daughter, I taught yoga once a week, but my income was very modest — 80 euro per month. For understanding: a manicure cost 75!

When Armin lost his business, I had no other option but to start earning more, although I continued to be on maternity leave. By then we had already moved to Lilienthal (another wilderness), bought a house on credit. I taught at a fitness club and went out to replacements if one of the coaches fell ill. She was a photographer at weddings, sewed swimsuits for competitions, and also wrote training programs. In general, she plowed during the day and at night with a baby in her arms.

Of course, the husband also tried to find a new place, but there is very high unemployment in the north of Germany. In the end, he became a night watchman with a salary of 1200 euros. Now he has returned to his main specialty — deals with renewable energy.

Financial difficulties have become a great test for our family, but it is nothing compared to the abuse that has occurred from the side of the spouse from the very first days of our marriage. He was constantly dissatisfied with something, saying that I was a bad housewife, a terrible wife and mother.

Photo: From personal archive

It's a shame to come back

My life in a foreign country was far from ideal, but I could just pack my things and leave. Firstly, because of the strong dependence on my husband: over the years of our marriage, he managed to inspire me that I can represent myself and will be lost without him. Secondly, I was ashamed in front of my parents, because they were right about my spouse, and I was wrong. Thirdly, in the moments of our quarrels, I was told in plain text that I could return to Russia, but nobody would give me a child.

In 2014, I was on the edge and really returned to Petersburg, leaving my daughter with Armin. My parents did not support me and  told me to go back, I had to live with a friend for two months. She helped me understand that I live with an abuser, so I have already returned to Germany only to pack my things.

My husband met me with an expression of universal sorrow on his face (abusers know how to make a victim out of themselves). We talked with all night, he even allowed me to take my daughter and to go with her vacation to Petersburg. There I found out that I was pregnant with my second child. So all my plans for the final return to Russia and divorce collapsed in a second.

Dot after all

During my pregnancy, I started to actively engage in my instagram. Easily gained 50 thousand subscribers, there were offers for advertising, and along with extra money. I  gradually got up on my feet, although internally I was still very unsure of myself. In & nbsp; 2017, she won the Mrs. Russia contest. I had a contract with a PR-agency, according to which I had to present my title in the media. I've been invited to a lot of talk shows. I very often traveled to Moscow: for a week, two. Gradually, in life, besides her husband, many new people appeared — my self-imposed isolation, which Armin so cleverly arranged for me, is over. I understood that I live in a distorted reality.

By 2019, I was already the main earner in the family: I paid off the loan, dressed and shoes the whole family. Then on New Year's Eve, we had a huge scandal, after which I returned to Peter and decided to put an end to my marriage.  I had savings, with which I bought an apartment in St.Soon the pandemic began, we were all locked at home. I made the most of   — turned to a psychiatrist to establish a dialogue not only with her husband, but and with herself. Working with a specialist helped me a lot then, a plan for a future free life gradually formed in my head. I even thought about running away with the kids in case of emergency.

Also besides, I began to study to psychology and I used many of the techniques that were given to us on my own husband  ;— treated him like his own patient. The situation in the house was gradually getting better, we began to take the first steps in the direction of a divorce, even agreed that after parting, the youngest daughter would go with me to Russia, and the eldest would stay with dad in Germany.

Now the lawyers have drawn up a peace agreement. It says that I do not apply anything, i.e. our house, for which I also paid off a loan (about 100 thousand euros in total), remains with my husband, plus a car, and I also refuse alimony. But I went to all these conditions in order to calmly leave with daughter for Russia.

Photo: Personal archive

Bad experience

Personally, I don't know a single story about a successful marriage with a foreigner. Why? Because we have completely different mentalities. My aunt was married to a Frenchman for 10 years, and the same result as in in my family. I understand that not everyone likes such reasoning, subscribers often ask: “Do you think Russians are better?”. No, I don't think so. Everywhere there are inadequate personalities: both here and abroad. But marriage with foreigners is much more difficult for women!

And if to compare our men and Germans, our — it is better. They have not yet forgotten how to open the door for a lady, to help her if she carries a heavy bag. I once arrived from Russia with three suitcases of gifts and clothes for children after a very difficult abdominal operation. My husband didn't even meet me at the station. And when I asked him why he didn't help me, I got the answer: «Your problems, you didn didn't have to type so many things».

The Germans are also very economical, I an athlete, and when I was preparing for competitions, I ate chicken breasts. My husband told me absolutely seriously then that I cost him dearly. “Expensive” — it's 10 euro per week.

I now have a friend who is divorcing a German because she didn't get vaccinated against the coronavirus. His whole family stopped communicating with her. And this is not an isolated case. For the Germans, this behavior — norm. So if you are going to marry a foreigner, I advise you to think carefully — is worth is it?

I I am sincerely glad that I left Germany because I never liked this country. Firstly, everyone is poking you there. Even children have no respect for teachers, they call   "you". I can can put up with it, I was brought up differently. The second thing what I couldn get used —  you are endlessly knocked. Neighbors consider it their sacred duty. If your friends came to pandemic, this will be reported to the appropriate authority, and you will receive a reprimand. But at the same time, the Germans will always smile in the face. And the locals also sneeze very loudly and absolutely don know how to relax culturally. For them, the main entertainment — not  theater, not museum or cinema, but food! For me personally, Germany and culture — These are two opposing concepts. And not because I lived in the wilderness. When I communicate with girls who live in big cities, they tell the same thing. So  I agree to travel to this country only as a tourist, but to live there — no for nothing!

Источник aif.ru


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